Rough Notes

Yesterday and Today there has been pain, growth, joy in my heart.


When it settles into you and it becomes the deepest awareness of myself is that I’m accepted by God. I’m a son or daughter in whom he delights. When that settles in on you, it falls into you and displaces all other definitions that you’ve been trying to achieve, or trying to lose. Some of us are still letting us be defined by our past.

It’s so liberating to know that I don’t have to succeed to count. I don’t have to make up for my past. It’s in the gospel.

John ch .12 23-28

When you get liberated from your obsessive need to be loved you become
Less preoccupied with yourself, and more preoccupied with God, that is the key to joy and freedom.

Remember when you’re a kid and you get a yearbook, the first thing you do is flip to the index to find your name. You take a look at your yearbook and find every page that you’re on. The whole purpose is to find your pages.

Freedom from myself.

Freedom is finding faith in something bigger than ourselves. Once you are done seeking approval from others, it is so liberating. Then you are free to focus on loving them, not using them to build you up. We can truly listen. When we stop worrying, we can stop waiting for our turn to speak.

When you find honor in God, you’re free.


When you are enslaved to other people, you are asking them to be your salvation. Save me, make me feel important, rescue me.

When you are enslaved to the fear of man, you are asking other people to be your good. Instead of seeking glory from them, you can seek glory FOR them.

When you put your faith in something bigger than this world, than you are free.

-Notes from sermon "Freedom from the fear of man"

Oh, to be a child again..

I feel the quiet ignorance

I know nothing in this foriegn land

I'm reading children's books

Looking for a nirple

A guide to hold my hand

As I walk blindly through the streets

Everything is new to me

Discovering the beauty

in being nothing

to no one

Except me

and the creator whom I cannot see

I stumble from place to place

Hoping in passing

to hear a word of familiarity

This is vulnerability

like nothing I've seen

I am 'Velky' again

except no mother to latch onto

Finally nothing else matters

but the importance of food, water, and sleep

a roof over my head

It is lonely but teaches me to be free

to find harmony

with open eyes

and mind

the silent traveler

a grain of sand in the sea

a speck of snow on the mountains

Love the journey

the Journey is Me!

"If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere.."

Manhattan was aaaight.

Not really my scene; tourist-y, expensive, rude, old chaps.

But, seeing the sights was momentous. Recognizing film spots from Home Alone was sweet.

Hung out with Kendra Newton (an old friend from teeny tots- to high school) in Astoria, Queens. It's funny, how being in high school segregates people automatically. We didn't hang in the same group as we were too cool for school (or I thought I was) but none of that matters anymore.

Took the Subway from Manhattan 57th to Astoria on 3oth. Kendra bought me and her friend Abha bagels from the a little shop and we were on our way to Long Beach. Drove an hour to get there. Her friend Abha has a car! Which is awesome, and rare here.

I kinda like the idea of not having a car and still being able to get around. Big plus for wherever I end up someday. Owning less stuff, and seeing more places. Sweetness.

So yesterday, I decided to take the subway instead of a cab from Manhattan to Brooklyn, since I am a pro at it now and all. Carried my life in a suitcase down and up a ton of subway stairs, but got help from some nice men headed to China town. Turns out they have spent a lot of time in Malaga, and suggested that I ride horses down there. Pretty sure they were messing with me.

So much to talk about. Lost my camera with Kendra when having too much fun at an Irish Pub listening to a band from....Ireland!! They were such nice people. Turns out Kendra's friend Chelsea, who we partied with that night, HAS my camera!! Hallelujah! (Did I spell that right?)

Pictures will be posted soon. Those are more fun than words.

Peace,

Rachel

I've been in New York for 3 hours..

So many different FACES @ the airport that "connects the world". Got a number for a car service from my stepfather's niece who lives here in NYC. Turned out I should have called in advance, because after I picked up my bags, the service was booked for the next 4 hours.

So I bit the bullet and took a cab.

The airport cab service was a little booth next to the passenger pick-up outside, surrounded by a line of cab drivers just waiting eagerly for bait.

While picking up my suitcase, over and over I heard "do NOT just take a ride with anyone who offers. They may NOT have insurance or take you to the place you tell them to go to." Basically, they will rape you and take all yo' nice things.

Back to the cab booth. The black teen working the booth smiled big with braces when I walked up and complimented me on my nose ring saying "it looks beautiful." I quickly said thank you and got in the cab.

$48.50 + tip and an hour and a half later of the driver cursing at other drivers and closing my eyes due to weaving in and out of traffic, I arrived at 56th and 8th. Huge sigh of relief to see my sister's face.

Checked my e-mail at the starbucks below the AWESOMELY placed loft in times square -- only to see that my flight from JFK to Heathrow in London had been cancelled. The British Airways cabin crew are on strike!

the e-mail to my family says it best -

FYI-- Meagan, My flight to Spain had be rescheduled due to a British Airways Cabin crew strike!! Good News is-- I got it rescheduled to the same day I was supposed to leave originally -- bad news, My flight out is now at 9:55AM from JFK on Monday. (see below) Which means I will have to be at the airport by 7:30AM -ish. So if you can't take me in, I can totally take a cab. Just as long as I can still stay with you on Sunday eve. (More directed towards my family:) More good and bad news- As you can also see below, I now am overnight in London, instead of only a 3 hour layover, it's about 15 hours. (Working on seeing if I can get a hotel for reduced from the Airlines) BUT- Thankfully, my flight from London to Malaga did not change. So Annarita will still be picking me up at the same time, same day, on Tues, March 23rd.
So essentially, the only flight that changed was the one from JFK to London. It's just earlier in the day. Woo, what an adventure already! I'm sitting at a starbucks all safe and sound in the bustling city of Manhattan. Love you all!


Hoookay - time to get down on some overpriced hot dogs 'er something.